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Exercise Bike
Exercise Bike is the sixty-second prank call in the Crotchety Old Man Calls. Transcript (Milton is exercising on a defective exercise bicycle; Milton panting) (ringback tone) Man: 'Exercise World. '''Milton: '''Oh, thank God you've answered! Are you the people I bought this bike from? '''Man: '''Yes, who's calling? '''Milton: '''I'm on this exercise bike right now- my name is Milton Fludgecow, and (coughs and hacks), I'm having a terrible time with this thing! '''Man: '''Well, what can I do for you, Milton? What's up? '''Milton: '''It's really tough to pedal! I'm on it right now and it's the tension- it's very, very, very tight! '''Man: '''Well, uh-turn that tension wheel to your left. Release it. ''(Milton struggling to turn tension wheel) '''Milton: '''I'm turn, and t-, t-tu-I'm '''turning it, and it won't budge! It's like it's welded or superglued in place! Man: 'Uh, Milton, take your time, don't be nervous. Just...turn that wheel to your left. '''Milton: '''I'm turning it... ''(tension wheel snaps off) 'Milton: '''Oh my God, it just snapped off like a pretzel! It ju-it snapped off! '''Man: '''Well, what's going on...? '''Milton: '''Le-let me pedal a little faster...I'm pedaling- (pants), I'm pedaling faster now! It's starting to wobble almost like the wheel's about to come off! '''Man: '''Get off the bike. '''Milton: '''The wheel is shaking very violently now! '''Man: '''Well, get off the bike! '''Milton: '''I can't get off the bike! '''Man: '''Get off the bike!!! '''Milton: '''I can't get off the bike!!! I'm-I'm scared! Ah! I'm going very fast! Ehh! Oh my God, it's loose! AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! ''(Milton crashes through the wall, falls down a flight of stairs, crashes into a bookcase and a cabinet containing porcelain figurines) '''Milton: '''AHHHHH!!!!!!!!! DAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!! '''Man: '''I'm not gonna tell you again: get off the damn bike! '''Milton: ''(screaming and grunting in pain)'' (glass shattering, Milton grunting in agony) 'Milton: '''Oh, my God! Oh, your exercise bike has ruined my house! '''Man: '''What's wrong? '''Milton: '''It slipped off the frame and launched like a rocket! I just smashed through the wall, I went tumbling down the steps, I smashed through a bookcase and then I plowed right into my curio cabinet containing my priceless collection of Hummel figurines! '''Man: '''I told you to get off the bike, you idiot! Come on! '''Milton: '''They're all-they're all smashed to bits! In fact, it's a miracle I was able to hold onto this cordless Cobra telephone! (pants) I'm gonna sue you people! '''Man: '''You're gonna sue me? '''Milton: '''I'm gonna sue you for selling me a defective death trap exercise bicycle that propelled me like a rocket ship! '''Man: '''Come on, ya idiot! '''Milton: '''I'm gonna sue you idiots! '''Man: '''Okay, sue me! '''Milton: '''I'm gonna sue your pants off! '''Man: '''All right, ya schmuck. Go ahead, sue me. Sue me! ''(man hangs up) (ringback tone) Trivia *Hummel figurines are a series of porcelain figurines based off of illustrations done by Maria Innocentia Hummel *"Cordless Cobra telephone" is a reference to the Cobra electronics company. Category:Prank calls